Not All AHA Moments Feel Good

They say a business partnership is much like a marriage, and in certain aspects they are right. First and foremost, both parties must desire the relationship to continue. There is the necessity that all parties maintain respect (at least most of the time) for one another. A willingness to be truthful, ethical, and to negotiate and compromise is also needed. While I am taking the risk of sharing this potentially “Sour Grapes” moment here, my desire is to have said , be done, and move on.

I recently discovered that my now ex-business partner decided to close the business that we shared for the past 5 years. All references to my name, or contributions  made towards the success of what we built together have been eliminated.  As with any “Divorce” both parties will have a list of grievances that will support their own view of events; while it was ultimately my choice to leave (based on the above), I was thoroughly blind-sided by the lengths to which my contributions were to be discounted.

Though the name is moderately changed, the company has basically regrouped with the people that we brought together and the business relationships that I was directly involved with developing. While not the only one involved in the successful growth of the company, I am proud to say that I was instrumental in the 400% growth during the time I was involved. I helped to connect with and developed involvements with larger scale businesses and non profits, new revenue streams, trained my replacements, & helped create and implement many new ideas.

There are some days that I have the feeling of being bounced off the “Sit & Spin'” with my butt in the dust, a quivering lower lip signalling my distress. Other days I feel such freedom and joy at being able to at last move in the directions of my own next steps, my own becoming. There is grief though over the loss of what was once a treasured relationship, the company (& brand) I helped build, and a bit of faith & trust in my own judgement.

The past 5 years have taught me quite a bit, some productive- how to build a WordPress site, how to create and manage a Google Adwords campaign, how to negotiate with someone with a very different opinion than you… Being married to the same man for over 28 years taught me quite a bit about that as well. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, knowing when to let go of an unsupportive relationship. When unconscious and unrecognized, behaviors, communications, and actions are in service to a myopic desired outcome, manipulation, dishonesty, distrust, and the desire to control direction of all outcomes becomes a constant obstacle to growth, both professionally and personally, it’s time to go. Having expressed that disappointment, and yes some resentment, I do ultimately believe that we are always where we need to be from the larger view.

This time moving forward is somewhat of a challenge. Normally I would take some time to gestate a new idea or direction, form a plan and move in to the new incarnation with cautious steps forward. With this, I am experiencing something a bit different. It’s like walking through a thick fog, each step into the unknown reveals the next. The in-between is and has been a journey of it’s own.  Radical faith is what is being asked of me. In the depths of this transition I find I am deep diving. I am reconnecting to those themes and threads that have ever guided my journey; Faith, Trust, Spiritual Exploration, Art & Soul, Healing, Authenticity, Truth, and Teaching.

While my way is not entirely clear I am grateful to honor the pull of these tidal forces of my life. My AHA Moments continue to unfold. I hope to share this journey of discovery, and perhaps we can explore & mine together this transitional, in-between space.

So here’s to the next chapter, and practicing #RadicalFaith #AHA Moments